Last week, I told you I had some news to share.

For those of you who know me, you’ll know that this is both really exciting and saddening.  None of what’s happening was anywhere on my radar, which has been the case for a lot of things in recent years.  So, in some ways this is quite consistent with what God has been doing in my life.  All this to say….

My season at Remuda is coming to a close.  

This is bittersweet, to say the least.  One on hand, I am very sad to be leaving this ministry.  And on the other hand, I’m pretty excited about what God has in store.  The last 3.5 years have taught me so much about what it means to get real with ourselves, and with God.

I’ve seen the beauty of brokenness like never before.
I’ve seen young women and women being pulled out of death and into life.
I’ve seen people find out about God’s grace for the first time, causing me to remember that feeling all over again.
I’ve been reminded of how shocking grace really is.
I’ve learned more than ever the importance of understanding our identity in Christ.
I’ve understood more than ever how God is close to the brokenhearted.

And the list could go on and on, really.

My last day is this Wednesday, and I’ll be going full-time to the church I’ve been working at part-time.  I’m pretty sure I’ve said, “I’ll never work in a church” a time or two.  Funny how things don’t always go to plan.  I will also be focusing more on my own music, which I’ve not been able to really do.

With that said, I’d like to ask a few things of you all (if I may):

Prayer
I’d really appreciate your prayers during this time of transition.  There are aspects of leaving Remuda that will be a real loss for me, and I’ll need to grieve that as I move forward.  Pray that I’ll do that and not internalize everything.  I’m prone to do that sometimes.  I have more peace that I thought I’d have about this change, but I know I need to grieve it.  I’m not looking forward to that process, if I’m being honest.

Support 
This is awkward, as I’m not sure who all reads this blog.  This is what I mean by support:  I’ll be focusing more on playing and sharing my own music throughout the year.  That will allow for more people to hear it, first and foremost.  It will also allow for me to record another project, hopefully within the next year.  I’ve had many folks who came to Remuda that said they’d like me to play at their churches/colleges, etc., and I’ve not been able to respond to those requests due to privacy reasons.  But, after Wednesday I can.  However, if you’ve been to Remuda before and read this, know that I consider your privacy with the utmost importance.  This will never change.

I’m not looking to travel a ton and play by any means, but perhaps there are a handful of opportunities per year that I can do that.  If that interests you, let me know.  The real question, logistically, is travel.  I don’t need a bunch to come play at your church, college, etc.  I just need a way out there.

Prayer 
See above.

I’m excited about the new season that I’m entering in.  I never thought I would’ve worked at Remuda almost 4 years ago, and I can’t say I thought I’d leave anytime soon, either.  But, the timing is really not important.  We should be obedient to the season we’re in until we’re not anymore.  This is the point in which I find myself, and I’m okay with that.

That’s all the news for one day, I think.  I have something else to share, but I’ll save that for next week or so.

Thanks in advance for your prayers, and I hope this finds you all doing well.  

How long is it supposed to hurt?

I was asked this question last week by a young lady in treatment. Her life full of fear, regret and shame.

Shame that tells you that keeping it all in will protect you.  That the initial pain that leads to healing is too much to bear.

Oh, shame.  How it lies.

I knew the answer immediately, but I didn’t know if I had the courage to say it.  I knew she would probably not like what I would have to say.  After a long pause, I answered.

Until it doesn’t, I’m afraid. There is a season for everything.

We work through the season until the time is done.

You know, God’s timing is impeccable. I realize that’s beyond an understatement.

Our pastor had gone through the beginning of Ecclesiastes 3 the week before, reminding us that for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under the sun. We’re not given recommended time for weeping or laughing, or for war and peace, etc. We just know there’s a time for everything.  So…

How long do we cry?
How long does it hurt?
How long do we mourn?
How long do we cast away stones?

Until we’re done.  Nothing less, nothing more.

I’m in a season of transition right now, myself.  Confusion, even.

And I want it to stop.  Like, now.

For the last four weeks or so I have been bi-vocational (tri-vocational if you count the whole independent musician thing).

I have come on staff at a church in addition to my work at Remuda.  I’m finding out quickly that I have a hard time splitting the time up.  I feel like I neglect one thing or another, and that really attacks the way I like to prepare for things.  I’ve asked the question, “how long will it be like this?” at least ten times so far.  I think the answer is the same….until it’s not.  So, I want to ask these questions instead:

What can I learn during this season?
For what purpose is this particular season right now?
What is it preparing me for?

I know that God’s purpose is to bring life and freedom to us, and ultimately, glory to himself.

I want to lean into that and see my heart follow.

What season or time do you currently find yourself in?

Do you find yourself struggling with wondering how much time it will last?

How can we more clearly see the season in which we’re in?

Age five was a much easier time.

I was convinced as a kid that I was going to one day become an architect, mainly because I loved to draw.  Little did I know there was a lot of math involved, which I grew to despise.  Luckily, I also aspired to one day become a Thundercat.  I was prepared for my plan B, and I had the costume to prove it.  You know, just in case I got tired of the whole drawing thing.  I was too young then to know I’d get tired of math long before that.

Twenty-five years later, I laugh a bit at the thought of being a Thundercat.  After all, it’s a cartoon clan of cat-like aliens.  But, I did.  I spent many a day in my back yard in all the Thundercat garb I had, swinging a sword around to ward off my enemies.  Had it been my front yard, my parents may have been reported for some sort of abuse.

In recent years, God has awakened new dreams that I didn’t even know I had.  You’ve read about some of them here at this blog.  I still feel like He’s doing more, and that this is just the beginning.  But, the fear of the unknown nearly paralyzes me.  I lose sight of anything presently good and anything potentially better, not to mention the suffering that will prove beneficial along the way.

I forget to run because I forget who is with me.

Always with me.

What is there to fear then?

What dreams are you holding back on pursuing because of fear?

What’s stopping you from running towards it?

The first step is the hardest, but it’s worth it.

**Disclaimer** I’m preaching to myself.

image:  sam

Apparently I took a break from blogging. This was not intentional, but nonetheless it happened.

I pondered a bin Laden post, but come on…did we really need another?

I’ll address it in this: Anyone who wishes hell on someone else clearly has an inaccurate view of hell.

Ok, moving on.

The last few months have been really busy. I’m not a huge fan of being busy unless it involves being productive, and I would have to say I’ve been more busy than productive.

• I’ve been trying to play shows to share my music. That’s proven to be difficult, considering that a lot of folks don’t know it exists. I’m still looking for opportunities to share music, but I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t frustrating.  I’m trying to stay motivated, as the more music I share the more folks buy it, which means more money for One Day’s Wages and the sooner I record another one.  That helps me to focus.
• Wanting to write more songs…badly.  Lots of potential melodies and songs forming with nonsense words and hums, but nothing materializing yet.  Praying for patience with that.
• Summer is creeping up on us here in the desert.  I’m not a big fan of 100+ temps in Arizona.  A lot of people are.  What in the world?  I saw a high 70s temp creep up in my forecast on my phone.  I’m giddy.
• Looking to revamp this site.  I want a more concise site that will be more music focused, along with this blog.  But, more consistent in terms of domain name, email, landing page, etc.  Content Under Pressure is a difficult thing to tell people when they’re asking me how they can find my site.  In my defense, I never thought I was going to have a recording when I started this blog, so I guess it’s a good problem to have.
• Praying for some big things in life right now that will require wisdom and discernment.  That’s all I’ll say for now.  I would appreciate your prayers.
• Grieving some changes in life with friends.  I’ve had to set some boundaries for some one-way friendships I have.  They’re not good for my heart, simple as that.  But, it’s difficult to see things change in that regard.
• Longing for April and I to take a trip or two soon.  San Diego, Portland and North Carolina….and hopefully Nashville again.

I hope you’re all doing well.

What are your summer plans?

How can I pray for you?

image: sam

I was given a great gift from a friend a couple of years ago, and it continues to impact me to this day.  It was the audio version of CS Lewis’ Mere Christianity.  The added bonus?  It’s narrated by a guy with a British accent.  Fantastic!  It’s as if ‘ole Clive is reading it personally to me in my car.

Combine the four discs of awesomeness and my hour-long (one way) commute to work each day, and you’d be safe to assume that I’ve been through this book at least five times now.  I’ve actually read it on paper once, but I can easily say that listening to the audio version of this work has been most beneficial to me.

This morning I listened to Book III, Chapter 9:  Counting the Cost.  Something really jumped out to me yesterday when I listened:

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense.  What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.  You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

That last line is both terrific and terrifying to me.  I believe with all that I am that God intends to invade and take up residence in my often cold, clinched and prideful heart…but He doesn’t leave it there.  He’s going to turn it into something perfect one day.

He won’t pursue anything less.

In this season of leaning hard into God, I’ve found new rooms that I didn’t know existed.  Granted, the old junk room where all the stuff is thrown out of company’s sight is still there, too.  But the door is now opened for all to see.  I want to shut it often, but it’s better to leave it open.  My prayer is that He will continually remind me of that truth.  I think a lot will be better because of it.

Is God remodeling anything in your life right now in particular?

image: sam