Last week, I told you I had some news to share.

For those of you who know me, you’ll know that this is both really exciting and saddening.  None of what’s happening was anywhere on my radar, which has been the case for a lot of things in recent years.  So, in some ways this is quite consistent with what God has been doing in my life.  All this to say….

My season at Remuda is coming to a close.  

This is bittersweet, to say the least.  One on hand, I am very sad to be leaving this ministry.  And on the other hand, I’m pretty excited about what God has in store.  The last 3.5 years have taught me so much about what it means to get real with ourselves, and with God.

I’ve seen the beauty of brokenness like never before.
I’ve seen young women and women being pulled out of death and into life.
I’ve seen people find out about God’s grace for the first time, causing me to remember that feeling all over again.
I’ve been reminded of how shocking grace really is.
I’ve learned more than ever the importance of understanding our identity in Christ.
I’ve understood more than ever how God is close to the brokenhearted.

And the list could go on and on, really.

My last day is this Wednesday, and I’ll be going full-time to the church I’ve been working at part-time.  I’m pretty sure I’ve said, “I’ll never work in a church” a time or two.  Funny how things don’t always go to plan.  I will also be focusing more on my own music, which I’ve not been able to really do.

With that said, I’d like to ask a few things of you all (if I may):

Prayer
I’d really appreciate your prayers during this time of transition.  There are aspects of leaving Remuda that will be a real loss for me, and I’ll need to grieve that as I move forward.  Pray that I’ll do that and not internalize everything.  I’m prone to do that sometimes.  I have more peace that I thought I’d have about this change, but I know I need to grieve it.  I’m not looking forward to that process, if I’m being honest.

Support 
This is awkward, as I’m not sure who all reads this blog.  This is what I mean by support:  I’ll be focusing more on playing and sharing my own music throughout the year.  That will allow for more people to hear it, first and foremost.  It will also allow for me to record another project, hopefully within the next year.  I’ve had many folks who came to Remuda that said they’d like me to play at their churches/colleges, etc., and I’ve not been able to respond to those requests due to privacy reasons.  But, after Wednesday I can.  However, if you’ve been to Remuda before and read this, know that I consider your privacy with the utmost importance.  This will never change.

I’m not looking to travel a ton and play by any means, but perhaps there are a handful of opportunities per year that I can do that.  If that interests you, let me know.  The real question, logistically, is travel.  I don’t need a bunch to come play at your church, college, etc.  I just need a way out there.

Prayer 
See above.

I’m excited about the new season that I’m entering in.  I never thought I would’ve worked at Remuda almost 4 years ago, and I can’t say I thought I’d leave anytime soon, either.  But, the timing is really not important.  We should be obedient to the season we’re in until we’re not anymore.  This is the point in which I find myself, and I’m okay with that.

That’s all the news for one day, I think.  I have something else to share, but I’ll save that for next week or so.

Thanks in advance for your prayers, and I hope this finds you all doing well.  

I was asked this question last week by a young lady in treatment. Her life full of fear, regret and shame.

Shame that tells you that keeping it all in will protect you.  That the initial pain that leads to healing is too much to bear.

Oh, shame.  How it lies.

I knew the answer immediately, but I didn’t know if I had the courage to say it.  I knew she would probably not like what I would have to say.  After a long pause, I answered.

Until it doesn’t, I’m afraid. There is a season for everything.

We work through the season until the time is done.

You know, God’s timing is impeccable. I realize that’s beyond an understatement.

Our pastor had gone through the beginning of Ecclesiastes 3 the week before, reminding us that for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under the sun. We’re not given recommended time for weeping or laughing, or for war and peace, etc. We just know there’s a time for everything.  So…

How long do we cry?
How long does it hurt?
How long do we mourn?
How long do we cast away stones?

Until we’re done.  Nothing less, nothing more.

I’m in a season of transition right now, myself.  Confusion, even.

And I want it to stop.  Like, now.

For the last four weeks or so I have been bi-vocational (tri-vocational if you count the whole independent musician thing).

I have come on staff at a church in addition to my work at Remuda.  I’m finding out quickly that I have a hard time splitting the time up.  I feel like I neglect one thing or another, and that really attacks the way I like to prepare for things.  I’ve asked the question, “how long will it be like this?” at least ten times so far.  I think the answer is the same….until it’s not.  So, I want to ask these questions instead:

What can I learn during this season?
For what purpose is this particular season right now?
What is it preparing me for?

I know that God’s purpose is to bring life and freedom to us, and ultimately, glory to himself.

I want to lean into that and see my heart follow.

What season or time do you currently find yourself in?

Do you find yourself struggling with wondering how much time it will last?

How can we more clearly see the season in which we’re in?

Age five was a much easier time.

I was convinced as a kid that I was going to one day become an architect, mainly because I loved to draw.  Little did I know there was a lot of math involved, which I grew to despise.  Luckily, I also aspired to one day become a Thundercat.  I was prepared for my plan B, and I had the costume to prove it.  You know, just in case I got tired of the whole drawing thing.  I was too young then to know I’d get tired of math long before that.

Twenty-five years later, I laugh a bit at the thought of being a Thundercat.  After all, it’s a cartoon clan of cat-like aliens.  But, I did.  I spent many a day in my back yard in all the Thundercat garb I had, swinging a sword around to ward off my enemies.  Had it been my front yard, my parents may have been reported for some sort of abuse.

In recent years, God has awakened new dreams that I didn’t even know I had.  You’ve read about some of them here at this blog.  I still feel like He’s doing more, and that this is just the beginning.  But, the fear of the unknown nearly paralyzes me.  I lose sight of anything presently good and anything potentially better, not to mention the suffering that will prove beneficial along the way.

I forget to run because I forget who is with me.

Always with me.

What is there to fear then?

What dreams are you holding back on pursuing because of fear?

What’s stopping you from running towards it?

The first step is the hardest, but it’s worth it.

**Disclaimer** I’m preaching to myself.

image:  sam

I pondered a bin Laden post, but come on…did we really need another?

I’ll address it in this: Anyone who wishes hell on someone else clearly has an inaccurate view of hell.

Ok, moving on.

The last few months have been really busy. I’m not a huge fan of being busy unless it involves being productive, and I would have to say I’ve been more busy than productive.

• I’ve been trying to play shows to share my music. That’s proven to be difficult, considering that a lot of folks don’t know it exists. I’m still looking for opportunities to share music, but I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t frustrating.  I’m trying to stay motivated, as the more music I share the more folks buy it, which means more money for One Day’s Wages and the sooner I record another one.  That helps me to focus.
• Wanting to write more songs…badly.  Lots of potential melodies and songs forming with nonsense words and hums, but nothing materializing yet.  Praying for patience with that.
• Summer is creeping up on us here in the desert.  I’m not a big fan of 100+ temps in Arizona.  A lot of people are.  What in the world?  I saw a high 70s temp creep up in my forecast on my phone.  I’m giddy.
• Looking to revamp this site.  I want a more concise site that will be more music focused, along with this blog.  But, more consistent in terms of domain name, email, landing page, etc.  Content Under Pressure is a difficult thing to tell people when they’re asking me how they can find my site.  In my defense, I never thought I was going to have a recording when I started this blog, so I guess it’s a good problem to have.
• Praying for some big things in life right now that will require wisdom and discernment.  That’s all I’ll say for now.  I would appreciate your prayers.
• Grieving some changes in life with friends.  I’ve had to set some boundaries for some one-way friendships I have.  They’re not good for my heart, simple as that.  But, it’s difficult to see things change in that regard.
• Longing for April and I to take a trip or two soon.  San Diego, Portland and North Carolina….and hopefully Nashville again.

I hope you’re all doing well.

What are your summer plans?

How can I pray for you?

image: sam

Combine the four discs of awesomeness and my hour-long (one way) commute to work each day, and you’d be safe to assume that I’ve been through this book at least five times now.  I’ve actually read it on paper once, but I can easily say that listening to the audio version of this work has been most beneficial to me.

This morning I listened to Book III, Chapter 9:  Counting the Cost.  Something really jumped out to me yesterday when I listened:

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense.  What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.  You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

That last line is both terrific and terrifying to me.  I believe with all that I am that God intends to invade and take up residence in my often cold, clinched and prideful heart…but He doesn’t leave it there.  He’s going to turn it into something perfect one day.

He won’t pursue anything less.

In this season of leaning hard into God, I’ve found new rooms that I didn’t know existed.  Granted, the old junk room where all the stuff is thrown out of company’s sight is still there, too.  But the door is now opened for all to see.  I want to shut it often, but it’s better to leave it open.  My prayer is that He will continually remind me of that truth.  I think a lot will be better because of it.

Is God remodeling anything in your life right now in particular?

image: sam

When I picked my One Word for 2011, I had no idea that I was foreshadowing something that God was going to teach me.  Needless to say, I’ve been doing my best to really lean hard against the truth lately.  I’ve been under more stress in the last few months than I have the last few years.  As I lean into God in all of this, I’m beginning to understand that it’s actually quite a good season to be in.  Don’t get me wrong, though…that last sentence was a hard one to write.

I was comforted today by a portion of the breastplate prayer of St. Patrick.  I’d like to share it with you.

I arise today
Through God’s strength to pilot me:
God’s might to uphold me,
God’s wisdom to guide me,
God’s eye to look before me,
God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak for me,
God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me,
God’s shield to protect me,
God’s host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude…
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today.

Going to be reading this every morning as a reminder of whose I am.

I encourage you to join me.

Risk was a word that kept coming back to me in 2010, although I had not picked it.  I guess it sort of picked me.  Making a record was a huge risk to me, considering I never really risk anything financially if it’s over 20 bucks, let alone risking the potential humiliation of people hearing my music and not enjoying it.

I’ve thought a lot over the last week or so about what my word for 2011 was going to be.  I narrowed it down to a couple (well, a few if “dang” counts), and I believe I’ve finally decided on a word.  I think it encompasses what I hope for this year.  It’s an action word, which is good because I tend to freeze in fear.  The word is:

Lean.

I want to lean hard against the truth.

I want to lean hard into prayer.

I want to lean hard into my family and friends.

And ultimately, I want to lean into Jesus.

One can rest assured when they lean against something firm and true.  God is just that.

Only God.

My prayer will be that I choose to always lean there instead of leaning against a faulty frame of  cheap substitutes.

What’s your word for 2011?

I was asked this question recently when discussing the trial (and error) of releasing music independently with little-to-no anticipation.  Without thinking, I immediately answered with a resounding yes.  It’s hard to release music that you’re proud of, knowing that you’re basically throwing a pebble into the ocean and hoping someone sees the ripples.  A return on your investment and energy is not guaranteed.  Success, whatever our definition of that is, seems almost like winning the lottery.

We live in a world that sees success as something very different than what we’re taught in the Scriptures.

Our world defines success in terms of gain:

• How many copies did you sell in iTunes?
• How many CDs have been ordered?
• How many shows are you scheduled to be playing?
• How much money have you acquired?

Now, don’t get me wrong…I do have specific goals that Stand[by] will hopefully help me accomplish.  To have no goals would be a mistake, I believe.  I’ve classified mine this way:

1. AIM – to record another project in 2011
2. REACH – a broader audience and establish myself more as an artist
3. GIVE – to give 25% of all proceeds to One Day’s Wages

Jesus defines success by means of loss:

• What did you give?
• Who did you serve?
• Who did you love without expectation?

In Luke 9, Jesus tells us, “whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”

It seems to me that a successful life is a free life.  A life given away to others.  Talents used instead of being hidden.  Resources expended instead of hoarded.

ht: hidemitadajp

In 1980, Mother Teresa was asked, “Do you ever get discouraged?”  The question came at a time where many people were without food, far more than when she first began to help feeding them.  She replied:

I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.

What a lesson to learn from her!  For my music, your job, your ministry, your life.

Faithfulness is more important than the “Big Outcome.”

We all like to focus on the big, grandiose idea.  Mother Teresa didn’t.  She focused on faithfulness in the smallest of things.  We all want to love the world and end all the hunger in it.  Mother Teresa would encourage us to love our neighbor well.  Faithfulness in the small things will ultimately be the way any of us end up with anything “big”, whatever that means in your life.

Give yourself away.

This woman gave all of herself to the needs of others, and she became a world changer.  The needs of the poor and downcast were more important to her than her own comfort.  She knew that what was comfortable wasn’t always best.  But again, don’t forget the small things.  Mother Teresa went on to accomplish much for the poor in her time, but she did it by serving and touching one life at a time.

In all honesty, I want lots of people to hear my music.  I want to continue to make music as long as God gives me the songs to sing.  I want it to be respected and appreciated.  I want to travel some and play outside of Arizona.  I want to use it to give back to the least of these.  I want it to be used to raise awareness for eating and anxiety disorders.  I want to have to order more discs because I’ve sold out.  That all may happen.  It also may not.

Whatever the outcome, I ask for faithfulness.

And I trust that his faithfulness will be what makes the difference.

I’m humbled beyond anything I could write about.  Truly humbled. 

In more ways than one. 

First off, I thank God for giving me songs to be used for His glory.  I’m thankful for the music to be able to bless those listening, as well as impacting those in extreme poverty.  I’m hopeful that God will continue to use the music to further His fame all over the world through a random guy in Arizona.  I know that’s how He works, and I’m honored to be a part of it. 

But there are traps along the way. 

They humble, too.

The EP is at #40 on iTunes this morning.  How do I know this?  Because I’ve checked it every day since I found out randomly that it was at #66 (after less than a day since releasing).  I wish those lists didn’t exist, sometimes…

You see, I was humbled and grateful at #66.  Today at #40, I’m more driven by position.  Will I surpass The Weepies at some point, or maybe get lucky and pass The Civil Wars.   I find myself creeping back into a position that I wanted to resign from permanently, and I don’t want to become a slave to statistics.  That only leads to one thing…

Pride. 

Would you join in prayer with me that pride would not begin to overshadow thankfulness and joy?  I would greatly appreciate it.  I want to focus on what is good and true, not what my flesh suggests is important.  Your prayers and the accountability of good friends are key.  God using the music however He chooses is important.  My stats are not.  Besides…

You and I are more than a number.

image: sam

To those who read, my apologies.  I’ve just not had time to write, and I’m not a big fan of posting for the sake of posting.

The rest of the week will have entires, I’m pleased to say.

I’m even more pleased to let y’all know that the EP is done!  Yes!  Recorded, mixed, mastered, artwork…it’s all done.  I can’t wait for you all to hear it.  I’m pretty proud of the sounds that were achieved.

The EP is named Stand[by] .  Why is it named that?  Glad you asked.   Fair enough question…

My wife travels a lot for her job.  So much so that we get quite a lot of free tickets (I heart you, Southwest!).  Sometimes she books her schedule too tight and misses her return flight.  Often there are several other flights going to Phoenix at a later time that day, so she doesn’t get too awful stressed.  She knows she’s going home.

But she waits.

Isn’t that just life?  As a believer, I’m fully aware that this world is not my home.  That it’s temporary.  But, until Christ returns or I pass away…

I wait.

And you wait, too.

CS Lewis said:

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

You see, we’re all on standby in a sense.  Just like April’s travels, this life we live in full of waiting- tension, despair, anticipation, unresolved conflict, a longing for reconciliation.

And this is what I’ve tried to capture in these six songs.

I really can’t wait for you to hear it.

In the next few days, I’ll be sharing more about the EP.  I thought about writing some about how these songs came to be.  I know that I like to know these things about an artist’s work, so maybe you’d like to know as well.

There will also be another announcement regarding the EP and One Day’s Wages.  I’m beyond pumped to share that with you.

Through all of this, I would really appreciate your prayers.  I’m going way out of my comfort zone with all of this, which is awesome and freakishly horrifying at the same time.  Here are a few requests that I would have off the top of my head.

1. Pray with me that God would use these songs to impact folks, and that it would serve in making his name more famous.
2. Pray for me that I persevere in all of this.  This has already come a long way, and I want to see it through.  Doing this independently has created its fair share of doubt in my mind, even though I’m extremely proud of the work that went into making this record.
3. Pray for my wife as she listens to my questioning, doubting, complaining, pouting, pride-creeping-in boasting, etc.  She may need an extra boost of the Holy Spirit during all of this.
4. Pray for me – in whatever way you think I may need prayer….because more than likely you’ll be correct in your assumptions.

More to come this week, as well as the weekend.  I can’t wait to share it all with you.  I have a lot of people to thank…blessed is an understatement, folks.

Here we go…

image: sam