Spring is upon us.

A new season.  A season of life bursting forth from the cold and dreary.

It’s often cold and dreary, isn’t it?

I write this while looking out my window in Arizona, where it is unusually cloudy and rainy.  We’ve had more rain this season than any in Arizona’s history, I believe.  Not that I’m complaining.  It will be 110° before we know it.  But for now, the environment around me is a reminder that my life has been fairly cold and dreary, especially during this season of Lent.  Perhaps I’m learning more about what it means to die to things.  Perhaps I’m just finally paying attention and listening.

I’m still not sure.

But, I am sure of one thing.  Spring is upon us.  Life is bursting forth.

My life.

Your life.

You know, a heart frozen by bitterness, cynicism and fear is a dangerous thing.  Wounds run deep, causing it to barricade itself for protection.  It thinks that by staying closed off and hardened, no one will be affected.  Instead, it lashes out in anger, tries to change appearances for acceptance or wishes for more punishment.  “Maybe if I just suffered more,” it says, “I could finally move on.”

My heart has been frozen in areas, but these areas are dying.  In their place grows a new hope.  A hope of more compassion, more humility, more Christ.  Spring has come, but some things are still frozen.  As the ice starts to melt it cracks, sending pain jolting throughout the area frozen.  This has proven to be quite unbearable at times.

The thawing of a deep freeze is nothing minor.  This takes time.  A season’s time.  It’s going to be painful.  There is no story of redemption without depravity.  But, he’s right there with me.  Through the pain.  Through me wrestling with change.

I’ve heard his whispers slowly increase in volume during this season, and now, as the season begins to change, I hear him saying…

Be thawed, and rejoice!

image: Sam

Tonight I’ll be opening up for Jeremy Casella at a house show here in Phoenix.  If you’re in the area, you can find all of the information for the event HERE.

I’m pumped to be playing some original tunes (probably 3 songs) in front of both friends and strangers who haven’t heard them.  I’m hoping to get some decent pictures of the night, along with a decent video of the songs.  Of course this is all hinging on our digital camera, so we’ll see.

I’d appreciate your prayers, as I’m sure I’ll be at least somewhat nervous.  This is not necessarily a Christian event, but the house show is definitely part of a missional approach to community.  I hope God will use the songs he gave me to impact, convict, challenge, inspire, etc.

How about you all?  Any special plans this weekend?

Today’s a different kind of day.

For one, it’s a new day.  It’s only by grace that I’m even alive to write this, so let me go ahead and acknowledge that right off the bat.

If you’ve followed these Lent posts thus far (I thought about renaming them to ‘Tortured Soul: the series”), I hope that you’ve not gone away from them depressed.  My hope is that you’ve been encouraged and challenged, and perhaps given a new outlook on what it means to participate in the Lenton season. Hang in there.  I don’t want to spoil it all for you, but the end result is….

**SPOILER ALERT**

He is risen.

Yes, He is risen indeed.  Obviously we’ll talk about this next month, but I am reminded of it today.  He is risen today.  Sure, we’ll celebrate it in a magnificent way on Easter Sunday, but for me, focusing on his resurrection today gives me hope.  I was reading Romans 5 yesterday, and I was comforted by these words:

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.              - Romans 5:1-5 [NIV]

Hope never disappoints.  Sure, I’ve been struggling the last few weeks.  I hit a low point last weekend (see Monday’s post).  But, God does not leave me there alone.

He hasn’t left you alone either.  So, rejoice with me, wherever you’re at.  Regardless of your circumstances.  Regardless of your struggles.  Remember…

He is good, and today is a new day.

As I’ve asked previously, what are you learning during this season of Lent?  How can I pray for you specifically?

image: sam

I’m learning a lot during this season, both about God and myself.  For that I’m extremely grateful.

And I’m also quite sore, frankly.  It’s been hard to keep posting these Lent posts, but I’m trying to provide an authentic narrative of my experience in participation of Christ’s death.  This has proven to be a trying time.  But, I’m confident that by sharing in our sufferings we can encourage one another.

As I mentioned a while back, when God peels away the layers that cloud our vision of him it’s painful.   These layers run deep in my life, and specifically, I think God is peeling away one in particular:  appearance.

I simply care about what others think.

I have insecurities just like everyone else.  I often struggle with the thought that I’m never taken seriously, mainly because I’m requested to say something funny by others, forcing me (in my mind) to go into performance-mode.  But, my go-to compensatory move when insecure is to always bring humor to the situation.  So, this plays right into an already bad hand.  I am quick-witted and sarcastic.  I used to think this was possibly a spiritual gift…turns out it’s not.  Any time I’m out and go into this mode, whether for the entertainment of others or insecure compensation, I return home depressed.  It’s a vicious cycle that runs me into the ground mentally and emotionally.

But why am I such a slave to this?  Why do I care so much about what others think of me?  I know that my identity is in Christ and not other people.

Or do I?

I am petitioning to God that he would reveal this issue in my life completely.  That he would help me overcome the performance.  Besides, it’s not a performance he’s after from me — it’s relationship.  This is a core issue for me, and I am grateful that he’s showing me that.  Again, when the layers are pulled back it’s painful.  But, what I hope comes from this will be cause for celebration.  I’m trying to start doing that now.

For I know Sunday’s coming.

What are you learning about God and yourself during this season?  How can I pray for you?

image: sam